BL   Blast it! To the dickens, and beyond!

BL   There aren't any [[NÉW IDEAS]], these days!

You rip out the page from the pad, crumple it up, and chuck it into the wastebasket with all of your might. It unceremoniously lands a foot to the side of it.

DN   Nice Shot

Your bedazzled companion snorts, deigning to look up from her smartphone. You groan and redirect your ire.

BL   Madame, can you offer any attention towards this matter?

BL   I was hopin' to receive your [[WISDOM]], after all.

DN   I Do My Best Thinking When I'm Multi-Tasking

BL   And what task are you engaged in so heavily?

BL   You've been glued to that devilish device this entire time!

DN   Oh, Check This Out

She turns the screen towards you. You adjust your visor and squint.

BL   What is [[THAT]].

DN   They're Cutting Up the Soap

BL   What? Why aren't they usin' it?

DN   They're Cutting It Up Very Neatly! Squares and All

BL   You're pullin' my leg!

BL   You seriously find this [[DRIVEL]] entertainin'?

BL   It's hardly stimulation! It's [[BABY FOOD]]!

DN   Oh Yes, And The Little Babies Eat It Up

DN   Oh Ho Ho!

She laughs that wondrously elegant laugh, returning the phone squarely into her lap.

DN   Anywho, Don't Get Your Wires in a Twist

DN   It Isn't High Art, But it's Something, Isn't It?

DN   The Most Base Form of Media. 'Content', They Call it

DN   Bare Stimulation but Stimulation Nonetheless

DN   Isn't That Fascinating?

DN   If You Lack Any and All Ideas

DN   You Could Lower Yourself to Their Level and Give It a Try

You rest your cheek on your hand, grumbling.

BL   Oh, I get it.

BL   Because [[SOMETHIN']] is better than [[NOTHIN']], eh?

DN   Correct

BL   Phooey. That doesn't help.

BL   I don't want to do anythin' like that [[DRIVEL]].

BL   I want to keep runnin' the show as it is.

BL   But golly. I'm plum outta ideas, Dee. What's a guy to do?

She shrugs and stands up.

DN   Let Me See What You Have So Far

As she makes her way over to your side of the desk, you scoot yourself over to make room.

DN   These are All Your Notes?

DN   Hmm

When she bends down, you lean even further away, averting your eyes. Hopefully, you think as you pull your collar, she doesn't get the wrong idea. You would never leer, no sir.

DN   Your Handwriting's Weird

BL   It's perfectly legible cursive!

DN   Okay Doctor Fitzroy

DN   What About This One

You glance at where she's pointed to.

BL   The...

BL   The [[PRICE YOUR PRIZE]] segment?

DN   Oh, is That What That Says?

DN   I Just Thought the Sketch Looked Promising Ho Ho

BL   I was quite proud of it, actually!

You allow a proud grin to stretch across your features.

BL   It was, ah, inspired by those [[GUESS THE PRICE]] quiz shows.

BL   I've been brushin' up on a whole load of shows around the nétwork.

BL   Turns out people love games they too can play at home.

BL   [[AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION]] is the trick!

DN   Yes Yes, I Remember Watching Those when I Was an Infant

DN   So, What's Your Pitch?

BL   I'll run you through it!

Suddenly invigorated, you stand up from your desk and assume an announcer's pose. You even grab a pen to use as a faux-microphone.

BL   [[AHEM]].

BL   Special contestant #6! You there, in that [[DAZZLIN']] gown of yours!

BL   Step right up! It's your turn to play!

DN   Oh What an Honor!

DN   Make Sure You Get the Cameras on The Outfit

BL   Yes, we'd never miss a [[MONEY-MAKIN' SHOT]] on our Goldopolis guest!

BL   Now, Miss Morozov, are you ready?

BL   To place your guess?

DN   On What

BL   Er...

You look to the heavens, scrambling to every cerebral nook and cranny.

BL   How about... a [[BANANA]]!

BL   Yes, a common man's delicacy. What do you say, contestant?

BL   Get it right on the mark, and you're eligible to [[WIN BIG]]!

Brilliant actress that she is, Diana leans on the desk and assumes a thoughtful expression.

DN   Well How Much Could a Single Banana Cost

DN   10 Dollars?

You chuckle and clasp your hands together.

BL   Amazin'! Dee, you're a natural!

BL   I really thought you were an out-of-touch celebrity guest for a tick!

DN   Are They More Expensive Than That

BL   Frankly, it doesn't matter!

You inhale and clutch your beating heart through your suit.

BL   By golly, even a taste of that got my blood pumpin'!

BL   I know I can do it. It's exactly what I've been jonesin' for.

DN   Well, That Was Certainly Easy Oh Ho Ho

DN   What Else Would They be Guessing On

BL   I, er...

BL   I don't have the faintest.

BL   That might be where I got stuck.

DN   What About Other Fruit

BL   Prizes, Dee! Prizes!

BL   They're the things that's gotta be [[PRICED]], after all!

DN   Oh, Then

DN   What About Jewelry

DN   Find The Most Fabulous Brooch and Show Off That Sucker

BL   Th-that's not in our budget!

DN   How Incredibly Lame and Boring Of You

DN   Go With High Value For a Change, Fitzroy! That Pulls in The Crowd

You chuckle. What a life it must be, to live in squarely the lap of luxury.

BL   Hoo, I could, if you fancy donatin' some of your own wares.

She looks at you. Even with her eyes covered with her usual specs, it doesn't lessen its intensity.

DN   Are You Really That Hurting For Change

You blink.

BL   Wh-what? No, no! Not at all!

BL   Blast it, Dee, that was a joke! A little [[JAPE]]!

BL   Hoo hoo, I would never... ask for any kind of charity...!

The longer she looks at you, the more you pull on that collar. Does she think of you as some desperate scoundrel? Some penny-pinching oaf? The mere thought of that is starting to make you unravel.

BL   I mean it, Dee! I'm no grifter.

BL   I wouldn't ask you to come just for -

DN   Shut Up For a Second

She stands up straight, nodding. You just stare at her.

DN   You Know, I Have Some Old Accessories Taking Up Space

DN   Extra Ones, Useless For Repurposing

DN   I Can Bring Them to Your Little Show

DN   The Audience Will Like That, Right? They're Quite Expensive

DN   It'll Probably Be the Closest They'll Get to Such Things, Ho Ho

BL   You'd... do that? For me?

She pats your frozen-stiff shoulder.

DN   Of Course, I Will Expect You to Promote My Latest Movie

DN   And I Wouldn't Mind Having a Big Role in The Episode, Too

DN   I Would Love To See The Looks on Their Stupid Faces

DN   A Nice Show For Me to Enjoy

BL   ...

Finally, you sit up straight.

BL   Dee, that's... you're bein' awful generous.

DN   I Know

She shows off those immaculate pearly whites.

DN   Aren't I Amazing?

You've never felt more compelled to prostrate before a royal.

BL   You are.

BL   You're really somethin'.