MM   () ( tick tock little red! ) ()

MM   () ( time doesnt stand still for everyone you know! ) ()

You bite back a regrettable remark and place your final bid. Damn your intellectual curiosity. If you hadn't given into her challenge, you might've been doing something actually worthwhile for the past 45 minutes.

Instead, you're standing at one of Mimiland's ridiculous cartoon gardens, holding playing cards the size of your head.

MM   () ( mi hi hi! a foolish play. ) ()

MM   () ( do you want mimi to dumb it down? play some old maid instead? ) ()

As far as you're concerned, it's already playing you.

RG   Forgive me for being wholly unfamiliar with such a bizarre take on a card game.

MM   () ( oh boo hoo! my nephew could play ōshiro-style bridge when he was an infant! ) ()

MM   () ( im sorry youre so ungrateful for a teaching moment. ) ()

RG   ...my offer for Spades is still on the table.

MM   () ( i hate spades! its my least favorite suit! ) ()

RG   That's...

RG   ...

RG   Fine. You win.

You throw the cards to the grass as she erupts into haughty laughter. Whenever you play by her rules, it's not a matter of logical deduction; it's about outlasting your opponent.

In a conference room and the battlefield, you would gladly dig your heels on the ground for the win. Here, in this playground of nonsense, she has the home court advantage.

MM   () ( mimi reigns supreme once more! ) ()

MM   () ( even grand pawns of the government bow down to her! ) ()

RG   ...yes. Clearly.

Forced surrender, like forced pleasantries with foreign powers, leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

RG   Now that we've played your game, we play mine.

RG   Does that sound fair?

MM   () ( not if its that tedious board game. ) ()

RG   Short play time does not a respectable activity make.

MM   () ( it is boring and tedious! ) ()

MM   () ( mimi also finds it much too antiquated. ) ()

RG   You're being unreasonable.

RG   Its ancient origins speak to its simplicity and universality, if anything.

MM   () ( on the contrary - only the best games have entire courts devoted them here. ) ()

RG   And who's the one to -

MM   () ( come! off we go! ) ()

And off she goes, leaving her own cards unceremoniously on the grass. Perhaps for some lowly servant to clean up.

You consider absconding entirely, but... a part of you is curious as to what else she has up those royal sleeves. Dissecting the brain of someone like her is a troublesome but scintillating challenge.

RG   Ruber, give me strength.

So, you follow her. After quickly arranging the cards into a neat pile, of course.

MM   () ( here we are. ) ()

MM   () ( hurry up hairbow! i dont have all day. ) ()

You follow her voice through the hedge maze and arrive at... another garden area. This one set up in a peculiarly meticulous manner.

RG   I didn't take you for a croquet player.

Mimi gasps, her hand flying to her chest.

MM   () ( you wound mimi! ) ()

MM   () ( what else would she play in her gardens? cornhole? ) ()

RG   You're calling me old-fashioned?

MM   () ( ill have you know that im as fresh as any fair maiden! ) ()

MM   () ( now pick up your mallet. get to your place. ) ()

MM   () ( its time for a game! ) ()

Mimi already has one in her hands. It's much more intricate than the other ones, decorated with pink frills and golden patterns. There are so many accessories adorning the wood that it nearly looks alive, dancing in the wind.

Meanwhile, you pick up one with a simple red ribbon around its handle.

MM   () ( does little red need a lesson? ) ()

RG   Hah.

RG   I'm fine.

You feel your confidence return as you test the heft of your mallet, swinging it every which way. As primitive as it might sound, you've always felt more at ease wielding something.

RG   Unlike a card game with made-up rules, croquet is a classic sport.

RG   You can't imagine how useful it is, particularly around bureaucratic dinosuars.

RG   I suppose you have that in common with them.

RG   Oh, if only this fascimile of a kingdom was anything like a real one.

You give Mimi a cordial smile, getting a nasty glare in return.

MM   () ( you... ) ()

MM   () ( youll regret making a mockery of me...! ) ()

Her grip on the mallet is nearly splintering it. You decide to dial down the smack-talk, lest she aims for your head rather than the ball.

RG   How long have you practiced croquet?

RG   Considering your predilection and expertise.

A huff, and Mimi's fury lessons to a more familiar, smug animosity.

MM   () ( believe it or not... mimis been playing since she was very young. ) ()

MM   () ( was it when i was seven? no... five? ) ()

MM   () ( maybe two. ) ()

RG   A two-year-old left with a mallet.

MM   () ( mimi had a lush childhood. ) ()

RG   I sincerely doubt that.

MM   () ( your sincerities matter not to mimi. ) ()

MM   () ( besides - youre being awfully rude for someone whos losing. ) ()

It's your turn to narrow your eyes and hers to smirk.

RG   Let's begin, then.

Unsurprisingly, the kind of croquet you end up playing is the Mimi-variant. You ended up quarreling with her about the turn order, about rules, about how the sport is meant to be relaxing and not spent with so much rabble that one can hardly hear oneself think. You can only pray that, in future games with more reasonable people, none of these illogical rules will taint your skills.

Some rounds later, you find yourself yearning for company. To back you up on how unreasonable all of this is, and to provide a reprieve from one very childish and headstrong princess.

RG   Do you play this with your... subordinates?

MM   () ( mmm? ) ()

She gives you a rather puzzling look mid-swing, as if those two were the last people on her mind.

MM   () ( what makes you ask that? ) ()

RG   It's not an unreasonable question.

RG   You have a certain way of... inserting yourself, in people's presences.

RG   I don't doubt you've interrupted a show or two for your own whims.

MM   () ( do you now. ) ()

She purses her lips and lines up her shot once more.

MM   () ( well theyre busy out there most of time. ) ()

MM   () ( id hardly be a good director if i scurried off with the faces of the park. ) ()

MM   () ( who else would service our guests otherwise? ) ()

RG   I see.

She could be putting on a good face, but you feel an odd compulsion to believe her. The one thing that can break through her own self-absorption is her reputation and the maintenance of such, after all.

MM   () ( and bibi is horrible at croquet. ) ()

MM   () ( the mallet always slips out of his grasp. he cant get a handle on it. ) ()

RG   Bibi... that one is...

RG   The jester, correct?

MM   () ( yes. ) ()

RG   Would it not make more sense to call him Cici? Or... Cli-cli?

RG   Considering his name.

MM   () ( thats an absolutely ridiculous idea. i respect you less for suggesting it. ) ()

Her gaze is fixed squarely on the ball.

MM   () ( it has to be bibi. the same reason why it has to be didi. ) ()

RG   ...

MM   () ( it has to be. ) ()

RG   I wasn't trying to argue with you.

The game continues. As you hear the park bustle in the distance, you faintly wonder how much free time Mimi really has. It's a vacation day for you, but for all intents and purposes, she's at work. What does she have to gain from such a prolonged interaction with someone she wouldn't even openly consider an acquaintance?

It ends up distracting enough that you hardly find it worthwhile to put your all into the game. And it ends, again, with her victory.

MM   () ( mi hi! ) ()

MM   () ( there. ) ()

MM   () ( now do you believe in the legitimacy of mimis reign? ) ()

As you face her - smiling with adolescent satisfaction - all of this doesn't seem to matter anymore. Thus, you bow and admit defeat.

RG   You're right. I've been summarily bested.

RG   Good game.

RG   If there is a next time we play against one another, it will be chess. Mark my words.

MM   () ( bah! ) ()

MM   () ( you and that bedazzled hag. youre both the same. ) ()

RG   I believe that 'hag' is almost a decade younger than you.

MM   () ( get the hell out of my park. ) ()