OJ   hey

OJ   how come you’ve never been in a relationship?

He freezes for a split second. You can't see the face he's making, but you're sure it's not too pleased.

AD   I don't want one.

OJ   ...

OJ   that's it?

AD   That's it.

His answer is as succinct as you expected. Still, you shake your head, unsatisfied.

OJ   ok

OJ   valid

OJ   but consider - why not?

That gets him to look up from his reading material.

AD   What is there to consider?

OJ   they've got perks

AD   Perks.

OJ   yeah

OJ   someone to rely on, for one

OJ   plus, i bet it'd be time-efficient

OJ   you can always get things done faster playing co-op

He frowns, not seeming to enjoy this topic of conversation. Or your attempt at catering to his taste.

AD   Yes, because my time is clearly used well at the current moment.

OJ   hypotheticals are important

AD   Yours, rarely.

OJ   hey man

OJ   maybe your perfect life partner just

OJ   reads all your dumb books for you

OJ   or peer-reviews your big-boy papers

OJ   wouldn't that be efficient?

AD   (sigh)

OJ   plus, i don't represent the average dating pool

OJ   god forbid haha

OJ   so, you should at least try

OJ   it might be nice

Even he deserves something nice.

And if he fumbles a romance, it would be really funny. That's a plus, too.

AD   Unfortunately, the relationships I've seen were all ill-fated.

And down he goes, back into his book.

OJ   so that's it then?

AD   Any enthusiasm has been rendered null.

OJ   what about your parents

AD   ...

OJ   haha okay

OJ   what about, um, ones you see in movies and stuff?

OJ   or, in your case

OJ   ~ novels ~

AD   I don't seek out romantic content.

AD   It's hardly enriching, in my experience.

He pauses, seemingly mid-thought.

AD   With exception.

OJ   oh shit?

AD   That's all I'll say on the matter.

OJ   hell no it's not

You lean in, now much more invested than you were previously.

OJ   i gotta know what kinda couples you're secretly into

OJ   do they involve a hot librarian

OJ   or maybe

OJ   TWO hot librarians?

AD   How juvenile.

OJ   what, you think it couldn't be hot?

OJ   use your imagination

OJ   you know how you can use two books as each other's bookmarks?

AD   Keep that question rhetorical if you know what's good for you.

OJ   okay

AD   (sigh)

AD   I have a more important inquiry to offer to this discussion.

It's his turn to lean forward, placing his book aside and directing his gaze squarely on you.

AD   Where is this coming from?

You lean back, suddenly overwhelmed.

OJ   huh?

OJ   it's just something to talk about

AD   It's an awfully specific subject.

AD   What spurred this sudden curiosity?

AD   Furthermore, you don't often discuss romantic matters. With me, of all people.

AD   And in our current predicament, no less.

AD   There must be a reason for it.

Uh oh.

OJ   oh, i guess i was just... thinking about it?

OJ   i'm not completely against romance, y'know

OJ   it, uh, comes to mind now and then

AD   Does it?

OJ   okay that should be the least surprising part

AD   Yet, if I recall,

AD   You bear a complete lack of relationship experience as well.

Oh god.

AD   Now that I think about it, this has been an entirely one-sided conversation.

AD   You've had your fun probing in my direction.

AD   So, what about you?

AD   As long as we’re on the subject - what's your reasoning?

OJ   uh

Abort.

OJ   y’know what, you’re right

OJ   we don’t have to keep talking about this

You start to walk away, but before you know it, he’s in front of you.

AD   No, I insist.

AD   Since you clearly have an interest in private matters.

OJ   uh

OJ   no, i wasn't... i wasn't trying to...

Every time you move in one direction, he's blocking your way. Damn the size disparity. In a better world, you'd be so tall that you could walk right over him.

OJ   haha ok i’ve learned my lesson

OJ   let’s all move on

AD   Have you?

AD   Because all I see is a lack of accountability.

OJ   c'mon man

OJ   don't do this to me

Defeated, you look at him, hoping your pathetic expression will grant you mercy. But all he does is raise an eyebrow.

Game over.

OJ   ...damn

OJ   ok ok

OJ   fair's fair, i guess

You cross your arms and huff.

OJ   it's too soon, okay?

You search his expression for any reason to stop. But he remains surprisingly neutral.

AD   Elaborate.

OJ   well

OJ   relationships are a lot of work, right?

OJ   i need way more experience before committing to a whole person

OJ   i'm super underleveled in lots of things

OJ   and... i’ve gone my whole life without one, so what’s a bit more?

OJ   so i’m just

OJ   preparing

You wipe your sweaty palms on your pants.

OJ   i know it sounds dumb, but it's how i've always been operating

OJ   go in with some tools in my belt rather than wildly experimenting

OJ   and it's better than being in one and having a bad time

OJ   i heard stuff like that can, uh

OJ   y'know

OJ   ruin everything

OJ   so, i'm doing the smart thing and preparing

OJ   i’ll prepare for forever if it means making sure i’ll be any good

OJ   i think i have to do that, for their sake

OJ   and for mine, i guess

The more you talk aloud, the more your jumbled thoughts and feelings are starting to make sense to even yourself.

OJ   huh

OJ   i feel kinda better about it

OJ   maybe i did need someone to talk to

AD   ...

He sighs, though it sounds lighter than usual.

AD   Regardless, more importantly,

AD   How exactly will you obtain ‘experience’ in an inherently social area... on your own?

OJ   still figuring that out haha