OJ   hey

OJ   how come you’ve never been in a relationship?

He freezes for a split second. You can't see the face he's making, but you're sure it's not too pleased.

AD   I don't want one.

His answer as succinct as you expected.

OJ   ...

OJ   that's it?

AD   That's it.

You shake your head.

OJ   ok

OJ   valid

OJ   but consider - why not?

OJ   they've got perks

AD   Perks.

OJ   yeah

OJ   someone to rely on, for one

OJ   plus, it’d be really time-efficient, playing co-op

He frowns, not seeming to enjoy this topic of conversation. Or your attempt at catering to his presumed taste.

AD   Yes, because my time is clearly used so efficiently, at the current moment.

OJ   hypotheticals are important

OJ   maybe your perfect life partner just

OJ   reads all your dumb books for you

OJ   wouldn't that be efficient?

AD   (sigh)

OJ   plus, i don't represent the average dating pool

OJ   god forbid haha

OJ   so, you should at least try

OJ   it might be nice

Even he deserves something nice. And if it fails, it might be funny to see. That's a plus, too.

AD   Nice, you say.

AD   Unfortunately, the relationships I've seen were all ill-fated.

AD   It renders any enthusiasm null.

OJ   what about your parents

AD   ...

OJ   haha okay

OJ   what about, um, ones you see in movies and stuff?

OJ   or, in your case

OJ   ~ novels ~

AD   I don't seek out romantic content.

AD   It's hardly enriching, in my experience.

AD   ...

AD   With exception.

OJ   oh shit?

AD   That's all I'll say on the matter.

OJ   hell no it's not

OJ   i gotta know what kinda couples you're secretly into

OJ   do they involve a hot librarian

OJ   or maybe

OJ   TWO hot librarians?

OJ   you know how you can use two books as each other's bookmarks

AD   Keep that question rhetorical, please.

AD   (sigh)

AD   I have a more important inquiry to offer to this discussion.

He leans forward, placing his book aside and directing all of his focus on you.

AD   Where is this coming from?

OJ   huh?

AD   What spurred this sudden curiosity?

AD   You don't often discuss these matters. With me, of all people.

AD   There must be a reason for it.

Uh oh.

OJ   oh, i guess i was just... thinking about it?

OJ   i'm not completely against romance, y'know

OJ   it, uh, comes to mind now and then

AD   Does it?

AD   Yet, if I recall,

AD   You bear a complete lack of relationship experience as well.

Oh god.

AD   Now that I think about it, this has been an entirely one-sided conversation.

AD   You've had your fun probing in my direction.

AD   So, what about you?

AD   As long as we’re on the subject - what's your reasoning?

OJ   uh

Abort. Abort!

OJ   y’know what, you’re right

OJ   we don’t have to keep talking about this

You start to walk away, but before you know it, he’s in front of you.

AD   No, I insist.

AD   Since you clearly have an interest in private matters.

OJ   uh, no, i wasn't -

Every time you move in one direction, he's blocking your way. Damn the size disparity. In a better world, you'd be so tall that you could walk right over him.

OJ   haha ok i’ve learned my lesson

OJ   let’s all move on

AD   Have you?

AD   Because all I see is a lack of accountability.

OJ   c'mon man

OJ   don't do this to me

Defeated, you look at him, hoping your pathetic expression will grant you mercy. But, all he does is raise an eyebrow. Game over.

OJ   ...damn

OJ   ok ok

OJ   fair's fair, i guess

You cross your arms and huff.

OJ   i'm not in one, because...

OJ   i don’t think i’d be… any good in one, okay?

You search his expression for any reason to stop. But he remains surprisingly neutral.

AD   Elaborate.

OJ   well

OJ   relationships are a lot of work, right?

OJ   i need way more experience before committing to a whole person

OJ   i'm super underleveled in lots of things

OJ   and... i’ve gone my whole life without one, so what’s a bit more?

OJ   so i’m just

OJ   preparing

You wipe your sweaty palms on your pants.

OJ   i know it sounds dumb, but it's how i've been operating, ok?

OJ   it's better than being in one and having a bad time

OJ   i heard stuff like that can, uh

OJ   y'know

OJ   ruin everything

OJ   so, i'm doing the smart thing and preparing

OJ   i’ll prepare for forever if it means making sure i’ll be any good

OJ   i think i have to do that, for their sake

OJ   and for mine, i guess

OJ   huh

OJ   it makes a lot of sense saying it out loud, actually

OJ   i feel kinda better about it

AD   ...

He sighs, though it sounds lighter than usual.

AD   And...

AD   How exactly will you obtain ‘experience’ in an inherently social area... on your own?

OJ   still figuring that out haha