CN   capri heights has some nice views, doesn't it?

CN   i'm surprised tian doesn't visit more... she loves a clear, blue sky.

Amir nods, though his eyes haven't left the cathedral in the distance. There's little you can do to pry his focus away from a centuries-old architecture - except maybe to tell him that his pendant is crooked - so you hold on to the fact that he's accompanying you at all. You know he'd much rather take a stroll inside the abbey, but he knows you get sick of being a tour guide all the time.

So, even if he's half-listening, you think it's nice that he's such a gentleman.

CN   vera, though? they like storms.

CN   maybe because they're scary, like her. heh.

CN   me, i like some fluffy clouds and a light dusting of rain.

CN   just enough humidity in the air to make a nice mix.

AM   Mm.

CN   what about you, amir?

CN   i bet you'd like it as sunny as possible, wouldn't you?

AM   Why Would You Assume That?

CN   because of the desert? don't you love the desert?

AM   I Do?

CN   why else would you keep going to deserts?

AM   There Are Things There.

CN   would you go just to, i don't know, enjoy the weather?

AM   What's There To Enjoy About Weather?

CN   okay, that sort of tells me all i need to know, actually.

CN   thank you, amir.

He gives you an intense look. All Chakrabartis do this - his sister has sent you scampering with her eyes alone. For him, it's less like an attack move and more of a perceptive check.

AM   Are You Upset With Me?

CN   no. why would i be?

AM   You Didn't Answer My Question.

CN   i said i wasn't upset with you.

AM   No, The Previous One.

AM   The One I Asked Before That.

You wrack your brain for what he could be referring to, but you've already mentally moved on from the conversation. Amir tends to linger on points longer than you ever would.

Gratia plena, dear Sister.

He had asked You what there is to enjoy about weather. You gave Him no response.

CN   oh!

CN   i didn't, did i? sorry about that.

You whisper a silent thank-you to your Specter and face Amir again, though his gaze has returned to the environment rather than yourself.

CN   the answer is... well, now that i think about it, it doesn't matter.

CN   it's a dumb topic. i don't know why i brought it up at all.

AM   I Don't Think It's Dumb.

CN   really?

AM   Yes.

CN   you don't think talking about the weather you like is a little strange?

AM   You Seemed To Be Enjoying Yourself.

CN   awwwww. amir.

You bump into him with your shoulder. Even though you did it as gently as you could, it still makes him flinch.

CN   oh, sorry!

CN   i know you're... i wasn't thinking. sorry.

AM   ...

AM   It's Fine.

CN   are you sure?

CN   you wouldn't rather be... i don't know.

CN   with someone else? somewhere else?

Making yourself look small and pitiable is a rotten habit, but an equally small, pitiable part of you hungers for reassurance. You miss it. You miss being who they wanted to get it.

AM   I Am Very Capable Of Absconding From Unpleasant Or Uncomfortable Situations.

AM   This Is Not One Of Them.

However, no matter what you resort to, Amir is devoted to answering things not like doting company but like a politician. You don't know why you expected anything different.

So, you exhale and smile, squashing that selfish hunger for now.

CN   you are.

CN   i guess i am, too. squeezing my way out of a mess.

CN   which is good, because a mess always seems to find me. heh heh.

CN   gods above, you don't want to know what happened this morning.

CN   because who even leaves a broom sitting on the floor like that?

CN   of course it was right in my blind spot - right in front of the abbess!

CN   ooh...

CN   it has to be the 12th time i've made a fool of myself in front of her.

CN   the gods sure have a cruel sense of humor...

AM   In A Manner Of Speaking, Yes.

AM   For This Particular Case...

AM   For What Had Befallen You, Specifically...

CN   ...

AM   ...

AM   You Could've Been More Careful About Where You Were going.

You pray to Yelor for watching over all of their flaxen-hued children equally. And you pray a little more when you remember how hard it must be to watch over this one in particular.

AM   You Seem To Be Receiving This Poorly.

AM   I Do Well With Feedback, You Know.

You let out a sigh. It feels rotten to scorn him for not knowing any better.

CN   fine.

CN   i know you're trying to help, and for that, thank you.

CN   but it's a lot more difficult than just... watching my step!

CN   do you know how much i'm running through the cathedral every day?

CN   i'm the youngest! i have to do my legwork!

AM   You Do?

CN   amir, have you ever had a job with a bunch of supervisors?

CN   or one where people in the community depend on you?

AM   No.

AM   That Sounds Less Than Ideal.

CN   well, there you go.

CN   that's why, as much as i know you mean well,

CN   i can't just take things slow and carefully like you can.

CN   the living wait for no one! you know?

He strokes his chin with his hand, still facing away.

AM   Alright Then. How About This?

AM   You Seem Like You Seek Out Labor. Actively.

AM   As If You Constantly Feel The Need To Prove Yourself.

He blinks, as if remembering that he should be more bashful.

AM   Ah, Forgive Me If This Is Rude.

CN   i don't forgive you.

AM   That's Fine. Only The Great Arbiters May Judge Us All.

AM   Regardless, Such Behavior Would Be Logical, Considering This Particular Denomination,

AM   But Less So Considering Why You Joined In The First Place.

AM   So, I Don't Believe You 'Have' To Do Most Of What Burdens You.

AM   At Least, From What I Can See Of The Congregation As A Whole.

Finally, he meets your eyes and less-than-pleased expression.

AM   No One Else Lives By These Rules. You Are An Outlier.

AM   Do You Think That Makes You Righteous?

You look down from that intense gaze. If you were by yourself, you'd easily burst into tears. But you've worked hard to move past that 'sensitive little girl' look. That means being able to handle something like this - something he can lay out in front of you like you're just another artifact to examine.

CN   of course not.

CN   i just... i don't know.

CN   i want to be good at this.

CN   no, i want to be great.

CN   and it won't matter unless i work for it.

CN   otherwise, it won't be me.

AM   ...

AM   Good Luck.

Laughter chokes back tears threatening to spill from the corner of your eyes.

CN   thanks.

CN   hopefully this is a family i won't mess up, right?

CN   because then, it's no one's fault but mine.

CN   the first thing i ever do for myself, and i did it all wrong.

His hand, flexed in a perfect vertical formation, lifts over your shoulder and lowers. An approximation of a pat, but it rests instead of lifting up again. You let it sit there, and he lets you cry in front of him.