OJ   appa

OJ   a paa

Ever since her first successful enunciation caused an entire room to burst into a cheerful frenzy, she’s been saying it non-stop. Practicing the syllables. It never fails to put a smile on your face, even when you have to bow your head in embarrassment towards the others whenever she does it in class. It’s an honor to be her first word.

Now that she’s at a walking stage, you feel more at ease bringing her along wherever you go. Because it means that she is no longer confined - she can drink in the world of the sciences as she pleases. As long as you thoroughly block off certain areas and keep expensive equipment far, far away from the edges of the tables.

CS   How are you doing, Oojin?

OJ   hehe

She's doing her best to maneuver around the tables. Good thing you strapped a spare antenna to her headband. It sends out all the ‘signals’ you need.

CS   Are you having fun, my little 로봇?

OJ   beep beep

OJ   beeeep

CS   What are you this time?

OJ   beep beep

CS   Robot?

OJ   yea

CS   I see.

CS   Don’t go too far, okay?

CS   Appa doesn’t want to lose you.

OJ   okie

CS   I love you.

OJ   beep

You glance back down at your paper. It should get done a few days before the due date, as long as you keep coming to the lab to work on it. Alongside the myriad of other assignments you have on your plate. It's midterm season, after all.

The lab is actually much less busy than you expected. Usually, you come across other students, set up at tables or experiment stations. If you were anywhere else, you would've kept your head down. But at the lab, you make sure to check on them and give assistance if needed. Oojin tags along, as always. Her presence tends to make the conversation flow better, actually. You could thank all the higher powers out there for making the people of this school so understanding; even with the occasional looks of pity and judgement.

CS   Have you seen anyone, Oojin?

OJ   appa

CS   Yes?

OJ   appaa

CS   What about me, Oojin?

CS   ...

CS   Ah, do you mean, you see me?

OJ   you

CS   I meant, have you seen anyone besides Appa?

CS   Another big person in a lab coat.

OJ   mm

OJ   beep

CS   You haven't noticed, then?

CS   Appa doesn't mind the space to himself.

CS   But... it feels a little too big sometimes, doesn't it?

CS   It'd be nice to share it.

CS   Even one more person would be nice.

You look out the window. It's a beautiful day outside. Maybe that's where everyone is.

OJ   mow

CS   Hmm?

You look over, half expecting her face to be affixed to the experiment room’s door. But no, she’s simply holding up her favorite ‘toy’.

CS   What's that?

OJ   mow

CS   Almost.

CS   Do you remember the Korean word, Oojin?

CS   쥐. Mouse is 쥐.

CS   Like your 'j's. Can you say 'ji'?

OJ   ...

OJ   mows

She's waddling around with it. It's strange that this is a sight you've grown accustomed to.

When you couldn’t afford to buy her something from the store, you settled for what was sitting around. Something large enough as to not be a choking hazard, sturdy enough to withstand banging against any surface. At the time, it was a genius idea. You felt proud seeing her play with it - with the cables firmly tied to avoid the risk of strangulation, of course.

But a pang of shame hits you now. You wish you could’ve given her a more enriching experience. Better toys, better experiences with the world outside. Her second word could’ve been ‘picnic’ or ‘museum’.

OJ   moww wow woww

OJ   hehe

But it was 'mouse'. And all the assorted variations therein.

OJ   clik clik

OJ   beep

CS   Do you want me to put on some music, Oojin?

CS   Maybe... the sounds of the laboratory are too much.

CS   I can use the CD player - maybe one of the CDs has some nice -

OJ   no

CS   ...

OJ   beep b eep

CS   Next time, then.

Your peers have teased you for this, claiming that Oojin was an experiment of yours rather than a birthed child. It hurts to hear. But it hurts to remember where she came from, too. So all you can do is listen to her sounds and hope she'll grow up to love her humanity.

OJ   ...

OJ   appa

She walks over to you, her coordination a little shaky due to her affixed gaze on the toy.

OJ   appa appa

You chuckle and give her a little lift. Slowly but surely, she's getting too heavy to pick up without some bracing. So, you keep her above only for a little bit before setting her down next to you.

CS   Appa is here.

CS   Do you want to play here?

CS   Let me get the -

Wordlessly, she plops down on the tiled floor.

CS   Ah - hold on -

You take out a cloth playmat and gesture for her to stand back up, laying it where she just sat. When she sits down again, she settles into her play routine. It's primarily clicking and scrolling - nothing less stimulating than a shelf toy, you suppose. Maybe in a month or so, you'll give her one of your spare calculators.

The sounds blend in with the industrial whirs of the laboratory vents, and for a moment, the room feels too empty. You think of your peers, burdened by work and study, and you have a selfish wish. It would give your child some company, but that doesn’t make it any less selfish.

OJ   appa

CS   Yes, 김우진?

OJ   play

She holds it up to you. You give her a tired smile. Playtime can go on for hours.

CS   Ah, I can’t. I have a lot of work.

OJ   nooo

CS   Yes. This paper is due Monday.

CS   And we spent yesterday outside, remember?

CS   At the park.

OJ   bak

CS   That was just yesterday.

CS   So today we have to work.

OJ   no no nooo

Small hands grip the legs of your pants.

OJ   appa

OJ   ...

OJ   no

She isn't the type to throw tantrums. Instead, she holds on, as if trying to command your body through her own. But hers is too small, too weak.

CS   I’m sorry, Oojin.

CS   Not right now.

CS   Once I don't have so many assignments.

CS   Then, we can play all you want.

You pat her on the head and force your eyes back to the paper.

CS   Please. Wait for me.

OJ   ...

A different wish comes to mind. One that yearns for companionship. Someone to accompany you and her. Who can make her feel like she’s loved, and you feel like you’re not abandoning her. Like you didn’t make a mistake to be her father.

Yes, a bond with a Specter is what you need. Then, she won't look at you like you've already left her.