LD   ‘Tall Poppy Syndrome’.

LD   Hmm.

You pass the time at the Psychology Club’s weekly open booth by cracking open textbooks you find in the library. Students are milling about around you, but you’re otherwise occupied with your reading material.

LD   Animosity towards the notable and successful. Those above.

You’re familiar with such a feeling. You're a scholarship admittance amongst noble kin, after all. But this, too, doesn't sound quite right.

You’re about to flip to the next section (Shadenfreude, which seems promising) when someone approaches the table.

FL   Hello.

Speak of the well-dressed devil.

LD   Mr. Schirmer. What a surprise.

You place your tome aside and lean forward, putting forth your most cordial 'interfacing with the public' demeanor.

LD   What are you doing outside of the dance hall?

FL   Exploring the academy facilities.

FL   I have heard about this booth of yours.

FL   Do you accept guests, or should I make a reservation?

LD   Nothing so elaborate.

LD   As we've discussed previously, I do despise formalities.

LD   But, I must say - this is certainly unprecedented.

LD   I didn't think you were the type to try a little consultation.

FL   Ah, is that what this is?

You helpfully point to the booth sign, which reads “Psychiatric Help”.

LD   We provide some cerebral assistance for a little charge.

LD   It all goes to funding our group.

LD   But, truly, we do this for the love of the field.

FL   For love?

LD   Yes. Out of passion, not out of obligation.

LD   There is no greater pleasure than a mind laid bare.

He considers it. Then, he pulls aside the chair and sits.

FL   So, I speak about my burdens? Freely?

LD   You can.

LD   Or you can let me guess.

FL   Guess what?

LD   What truly ails you.

It’s a shame those sessions tend to end poorly. The other members have urged you to adhere to your patients' comfort, though you see no use in it. Disturb the comfortable, or however the saying goes.

FL   I see.

FL   I will leave it up to you, then.

LD   Oh!

You perk up. Then, you clear your throat and compose yourself, as if you felt nothing at all.

LD   Very good.

LD   Hmm. Burdens…

LD   What about your performance? Your time in the spotlight.

LD   Surely, there is some instability there.

He chuckles.

FL   That is a fair guess.

FL   But that is what I am known for, no?

FL   Is there something deeper you can find within?

LD   Within?

LD   Mr. Schirmer, don't you mean... the aftermath?

FL   What?

LD   When the performance concludes.

LD   It must be hard to remain entirely composed... with all the adrenaline and attention.

LD   After all,

You pause for dramatic effect.

LD   Perfect balance is no match for a frenzied heart.

His eyes widen. Covertly watching his performances has paid off.

FL   You are good.

You cover up a laugh with a polite cough.

LD   Now, since I've got things started...

LD   Why don't you talk about it?

LD   Please. I'm all ears.

FL   ...

FL   It is as you say.

His gaze wanders.

FL   I seek nothing but perfect composure.

FL   Yet as the dance culminates, I grow full of... my love for it.

FL   It is full to bursting at the end.

FL   I could... I could leap into the arms of the audiences themselves!

FL   It is utterly unbecoming.

FL   Everything must end with stillness. Complete stoicism.

FL   And while my body is still, my heart is aflame.

FL   I worry that they will…

LD   They'll what?.

FL   They will see the sweat upon my brow, the gasps, the…

He freezes, his face overcome with a sweet pink blush.

FL   I have said too much.

LD   No, that was excellent.

LD   I could see it in your eyes.

LD   You brought yourself to the same state of exhilaration just now. Didn’t you?

You lean over the table, captivated by how defenseless he looks.

FL   Th-This is -

LD   Please, go on.

LD   This is a space for utmost vulnerability, Mr. Schirmer.

LD   How do you see yourself, in a moment such as this?

FL   I…

That feeling you had is amplified, now. And it’s nothing like envy, or spite, or whatever you thought it was. There isn’t an apt word for it. But it’s rapturous seeing him unfold.

FL   I feel powerful. But shameful.

FL   Because I cannot control such… reactions. My body and spirit.

LD   As much as you repress your desires, they will manifest in all sorts of ways.

LD   Some you may not even be aware of.

LD   What if you embraced it?

FL   No. It must be controlled.

FL   If I cannot, I… must train myself further.

FL   If I need punishment, then so be it.

LD   Do you enjoy punishing yourself?

FL   I... I do not think one should enjoy...

LD   Then, would you prefer someone else to take control?

LD   Take the lead of your entire being,

LD   To become one with your pain and pleasure?

The look you’re giving him must be intense, because his breathing has become haggered. And he’s positively squirming in his seat.

FL   You are…

FL   Very close to me, Lydia Yew.

Ah. You've been inching forward without realizing it.

LD   Hmm.

You return to your seat and re-adapt your professional pose.

LD   Yes, I see.

LD   It's obvious enough what you struggle with.

LD   But it's also understandable. Performance is presentation.

LD   And one must strive to present a state of utter control.

He exhales, wiping newfound sweat off of his brow.

LD   Are you alright, Mr. Schirmer?

FL   I am… failing to understand how this is helping.

LD   Isn't this nice? To lay yourself bare before another?

FL   ...

FL   I am thinking it is more than I was prepared for.

LD   Yes, simply one session won't do.

You grab a memo pad and start writing a date and time. And a bill, for later.

LD   Come back next week.

LD   We can continue from there. I'm sure we can sort everything out.

FL   ...

LD   Mr. Schirmer?

FL   Why do you not call me by my name?

You had prepared to conclude with the upper hand, but his gaze suddenly turns intense. It catches you off guard.

LD   You...

LD   You seemed to have no issue before.

LD   Is it not a sign of endearment? A term exclusive for you?

FL   Not the way you say it.

FL   Please. I would like for you to address me as who I am.

FL   I would hope it is not too much to ask.

FL   Not at this point.

If that was asked by anyone else, you would've doubled down. But you hesitate, and you curse yourself for your weakness.

LD   I -

LD   I apologize. I should be more considerate of my clients, shouldn't I?

LD   Until next time, Felix.

He nods, seeming more resolved than ever. As he leaves, paper in shaky hand, you find yourself hoping, sincerely, that you haven’t scared him away.

He is much more interesting than you expected.