AD   Come in.

AD   Close the door behind you.

When you enter the room, he's where you expect him to be - at his desk, his head buried in thick stacks of books, papers, and college acceptance letters. The only sign that he's aware of your presence is the tapping of his foot on the floor. Interruptions make him impatient. Impatience makes him restless.

CE   Akhi.

CE   Are you busy?

AD   (sigh)

He leans out of the pile and meets your eyes. He looks exhausted. Is he mad at you?

AD   What is it, Ciel?

AD   Please, get to the point.

You hold out the packet that was behind your back. He gives it a wary glance, then stands up just enough to move his seat to the left.

AD   Math again?

AD   I thought this was one of your better subjects.

CE   It is.

AD   Well, it can't be helped.

AD   Here. Take a seat.

You walk over and placing the packet on his desk. You pull up another chair and point to the problem you've circled.

AD   Alright.

AD   This shouldn't be difficult.

AD   Do you remember the parts? Numerator, denominator?

CE   Mm hm.

AD   Then try it in front of me.

AD   I want to see your steps.

You grimace.

CE   ...I don't know how.

AD   Just walk me through your thought process.

AD   Don't worry about whether it's right or not.

CE   I...

CE   Okay.

CE   Do you want me to talk out loud?

AD   Only if you need to.

You find some space to the side (where you haven't scribbled) and do your best. But when you get stuck, you feel the weight in your chest return, and you're left staring at the paper blankly.

This is always the hardest part - having to re-enact your confusion in front of him. You don't know why he can't just skip to the part where he tells you what to do. Does he enjoy seeing you squirm? Doesn't he know it's hard enough to come and knock on his door?

AD   I see.

AD   I'll start from the beginning.

He takes the pencil from your hand and begins jotting things down.

AD   It's easier when this is all one fraction.

AD   Then, remember - the denominators should match when adding or subtracting.

AD   So multiply the big number by the denominator, then add it to the numerator.

CE   (sniff)

AD   If it helps, organize things visually.

AD   That way, you won't get the different parts confused.

As he explains and writes it out, you nod and follow along as best as you can. But the weight keeps getting heavier. And even when you have a question, you keep your mouth shut.

He doesn't like getting interrupted.

AD   Now, you reduce.

AD   What's the greatest common factor?

CE   ...

AD   Recall what a common factor is, Ciel.

AD   Do you remember anything about it?

CE   (sniff)

AD   ...

His eyes go from the paper to you, and he stops.

AD   Are your allergies flaring up, again?

AD   I've been moving some things around.

AD   It might be dust. Or something equally bothersome.

CE   No. That's not it.

CE   (sniff)

CE   I feel bad.

AD   Are you sick?

CE   It's a bad in my head.

CE   In my chest, and in my throat.

He places the pencil down and turns his chair to face you.

AD   Let me guess, it's because of schoolwork like this?

CE   Yes.

AD   (sigh)

AD   If you were feeling self-conscious, then you could've just told me.

AD   I went through the same thing at your age.

AD   Who do you think was the woefully neglected guinea pig before you two?

CE   I know.

AD   I didn't have a wise and convenient tutor at home.

CE   I know.

AD   So, focus on getting through this.

AD   It's really not that difficult.

AD   Once you understand it, everything else should come more easily.

CE   (sniff) (sniff)

Before you can help it, tears prick the corners of your eyes. You look down so he doesn't have to see your face.

AD   Ciel.

AD   Talk to me. Please.

CE   ...

CE   It's too hard.

CE   They're easy for you, but...

AD   Hmm.

AD   Fractions are fairly advanced for your age.

AD   However, this isn't like a test.

AD   It's just homework. You can get through it.

CE   I can't.

AD   No, you can.

CE   I can't! It's this. It's everything.

CE   All the workbooks, all the... times they ask for my grades.

CE   They want me in all the high school classes already.

CE   Everything is honors. Why?

CE   None of my friends are at this level yet.

CE   Even some of their older siblings aren't at this level yet.

CE   I can't keep up with everything.

CE   It makes me feel...

Like you're squandering all the hope they put on you. The hope that Adam didn't even need to be where he is today. Sometimes, you wish they expected nothing of you, just so the crashing lows of their disappointment didn't hurt as much.

CE   And I can't say anything.

CE   It's hard enough, talking about it... here.

His hand is on your shoulder, now. You look through your bangs, and you see him hunched over, just so he matches your height.

AD   I'm sorry.

AD   It sounds just as I remember.

AD   And I remember being utterly miserable.

CE   (sniff) You can't say that.

CE   You're smart.

CE   Everything comes to you so easily.

CE   That's what you're good at.

AD   (sigh) That doesn't mean I haven't struggled, Ciel.

AD   And it doesn't mean I haven't... felt bad, either.

AD   I understand. I really do.

You wish you could believe him.

AD   It sounds like empty platitudes, but...

AD   You simply have to get through it.

AD   Just be grateful you have someone like me this time.

AD   Because, eventually, you'll have to do this by yourself.

You wish you didn't have to grow up so quickly.

AD   At least for a brief moment, time is on your side.

AD   Think of it that way.

AD   You have opportunities. Don't waste them.

CE   ...

You wish you could tell him how bad he can make you feel. That disappointing him feels worse than doing so to the teachers or even your parents. It always weighs heavy in your throat, too heavy for you to muster the words. Not when he's already taking so much time out of his day, just for you.

So, you let him leave his hand on your shoulder. Maybe it's making him feel better.

CE   Akhi.

AD   Yes?

CE   I'm going to miss you.

AD   ...

AD   I know.

After he graduates, he'll be gone. He's fought too many times with mom and dad, made his goals all too clear to you and Skylar. Once it happens, everything will be different. And no matter how bad he can make you feel, his absence will feel so much worse.

Even now, you're practicing for when it happens. Maybe you'll grow numb to it someday.