SS   whatta bouta a riff?

SS   lemme try a solo real quick.

You shred the hell out of your guitar, all while your legs are crossed. Playing in different positions is a fun exercise, especially when you're flexing in front of someone.

SS   heh. how was that?

BK   hmm.

BK   pretty good.

Berenike's laying on the couch, her legs going up and down. Even when she relaxes, she's doing some kind of aerobic routine. Like her muscles can't turn off.

That reminds you to do a few quick finger stretches before she can nag you about it. Physical therapy is how you (well, Joan, then you) first came to know her. A crowd surf went wrong. You accompanied her on a whim, and here you are. In better health, you think.

SS   but what about the song? add it in or no?

BK   its up to you.

BK   if you want more time in the spotlight, be my guest.

You groan. Not the response you were looking for.

SS   does it look like i need permission?

SS   maybe i just want a collaborative music experience.

SS   thats the whole point of not going solo. is that wrong?

BK   no, i get it.

BK   but youre the musician. you know whats best.

SS   were both musicians! its not like youre just tickling the ivories.

SS   you can... hear shit. give yourself some damn credit.

BK   whats wrong with just letting you take the lead?

SS   as your leader im asking for your take!

BK   bah. fine.

BK   i think that was a sick riff, and you should totally add it.

SS   yeah?

BK   also, wow, susie, did you do your makeup different? you look like a goddess.

BK   you can never have too much eyeliner. especially in the areas not even close to your -

You throw your guitar pick at her.

SS   go to hell.

She catches it without blinking.

BK   you first.

You spend the rest of the session finishing up this iteration of the song, as well as discussing the drafts for future ones. You're always the most productive talking aloud, bouncing your ideas off of someone else.

Not that there was always someone else. Sure, Joan was in a band, and some of your favorite artists were group acts. You thought you were above it all at one point. Why can't you have the attention, the control, all for yourself?

That's what makes it so weird how nice this is. How much someone else's words can mean to you, now. And if you're feeling particularly brave, you can tell her as much.

SS   hey.

BK   hmm?

SS   dunno if it matters but...

SS   you are a musician.

SS   even if its part-time. or just a few times.

SS   youve done the work to be called it.

SS   so you shouldnt be scared to say something. or whatever.

At first, she looks confused. Then, she sighs, leaning on the arm of the sofa.

BK   susie... i didnt mean it in a bad way.

BK   i wasnt saying that im not worthy.

BK   youre just better at these things than me.

BK   and your gut is usually right. you know that.

SS   heh. well yeah.

SS   but you know i dont bring you over just to be my yes man.

She smirks.

BK   because thats only partly why you want me here?

SS   shut up. im not messing around.

SS   you think id do all this with you if you were a pain in the ass?

SS   if you were just anyone?

SS   dumbass.

You look in the far corner of the room, resting your head on your hand.

SS   if im asking for ideas i want them.

SS   if they suck ill tell you. duh.

SS   ill beat your ass if theyre offensively bad. ill punch your knives. i dont give a fuck.

BK   hah.

BK   suze, youre sweet.

BK   even if youre dense enough to punch my knives.

SS   ill bite them in two.

BK   even then.

BK   any other time, id take you up on that offer.

BK   its just today. its been a long day.

BK   nothing personal, i promise.

She stretches, and her expression contorts into one of pain. The noise she makes is gutteral, too. You feel your face scrunch up, too.

SS   are you serious?

BK   i know.

SS   if you collapse on me ill kill you.

BK   i know.

SS   just call out next time dumbass. i dont wanna see that.

BK   i know.

SS   say i know again.

Even when she's rubbing her shoulders, she manages to give you a reassuring smile. As if you're the one who needs taking care of right now.

She's only a few years older than you, but she already seems so grown-up.

SS   ...

SS   sorry.

BK   no need.

SS   i meant bringing up the... musician thing.

SS   i probably said it weird.

BK   its alright.

BK   im glad you told me what was on your mind.

BK   you wont believe whats been running through mine all day.

You pre-emptively groan.

SS   lemme guess. another trash client?

BK   gods, the worst one, in fact.

SS   oh not that guy.

BK   its always that guy.

BK   him and his damn ideas. he thinks hes so brilliant.

BK   i couldnt believe that hunk of metal could...

A lot of your hang-out sessions consist of complaining about the different 'guys'. Some of her stories far surpass yours. Fitness instructors must get the craziest customers to leave her this winded.

BK   ...anyway. this is what i needed.

BK   so, thank you. for this.

SS   yeah.

SS   but if you need a serious break then...

SS   screw practice. you wanna get something?

BK   what, to eat?

Her eyes light up, but her mouth thins.

BK   i shouldnt.

SS   why not?

BK   ive, um, been trying a recent diet.

BK   its called not snacking. its a willpowers gambit.

SS   stuff the gambit.

BK   i cant just stuff it?

SS   too late. its been stuffed.

BK   what happened to hearing what i have to say?

SS   youre vetoed. lets go.

You stand up, knowing exactly where to take her, though that doesn't make navigating around the mess of instruments and paper on the ground easier. You nearly trip over a stray drumstick.

BK   wow.

BK   im the one with better health, but my position can be overriden?

BK   doesnt sound so benevolent all of a sudden.

SS   fine. you can override one music-related take.

SS   thats a coupon you have now.

SS   as the superior musician im bestowing it on you or whatever.

When you look back, she's following you.

BK   on your honor.

SS   duh.

SS   wanna shake on it?

BK   ...

BK   no.

BK   i know youll keep your word.

A grin splits your face. In order to distract her from it, you punch her on the shoulder.

SS   like hell i wouldnt.

SS   when i say i mean something i mean that shit.

SS   even if i know youre going to use that coupon for evil.

BK   me? evil?

SS   yeah you goddamn nerd. i know youre thinking folk heroes right now.

BK   thats not fair. im always thinking about them.

SS   lucky for you we can workshop it.

SS   they had killer battles and stuff. a song for a warrior.

BK   hah! you have no idea.

SS   okay dont start. save it for when youre using your coupon.

BK   im considering doing it now ~

SS   it doesnt count right now! its void!

You nearly regret offering the coupon, since Berenike spends the journey there taunting you about the different ways she could spend it. You're sure that if you went to any other bakery, they would've kicked you two out for making a ruckus. But Ms. Mamilov just smiles and nods, as if she wasn't expecting anything different.

Pocket money is merch money, so you don't feel too guilty splurging on a brown sugar fudge cake. It's not your favorite - if you're not already at risk of diabetes, you sure are now - but she loves it enough for the both of you.